I spent many years working in bars and restaurants while I
put myself through several years of academia. I was a hostess for a bit when I
was too young to serve alcohol, then a waitress and once people learned I was
not so skilled at carrying a tray but pretty good at chatting up drunks, they
put me behind the bar. I’ve always thought about writing a book called Shit I Hear at the Bar because let me
tell you, you can pick up on some interesting conversations when people think
the barkeep is too busy making drinks and spearing olives to listen to their
conversation. Most of the topics of these (not so private) conversations, or
conversations I was pulled into, somehow involved sex. The things people said
to me and propositioned me to do lead me to believe that people have a
misconception about the service industry. Just because we may be willing to act
a little nicer for a bigger tip, does not parlay into a career in prostitution.
Granted, the people who work in the service industry are as
a group, a lot hotter than the general population. Do you think that’s a
mistake? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve chosen to go to Bar A over Bar B
based solely on the fact that I can get my Jameson served to me by a more beautiful
man at Bar A. So I can see why we get hit on more than the average person.
Also, it’s part of our job to talk to you, make you feel comfortable, get you
drunk and get you to come again (no pun intended here). I guess all of this is
a formula for the stories I’m about to share…
More often than not when I was hit on at the bar, it was by
a couple who was out hunting for their third for the evening. It happened ALL
THE TIME at one particular place I worked at which lead me to believe it was a
swinger spot. I had a group of regulars that would come in – all couples in
their late 30’s – early 40’s who loved me and the other guy I would usually
work with. They nicknamed us “Mamasota” and “Papasote” and they would always be
a little flirty. One night after a few too many mojitos the ringleader of the
group pulled me aside and asked me “Hey, can we get our check and then can you
come to a hotel with us?” I dropped the check and politely declined their not
so tempting offer.
Another time a couple, or what I assumed was a couple, came
to the bar and the guy started hitting on me right in front of the girl he came
with. This made me a tad uncomfortable and confused because she didn’t really
seem to get angry, she just kept looking at her phone. Then another male friend
met up with the couple and he started hitting on me as well. I thought I couldn’t
be more confused by the situation until the girl passed me a note scribbled on
a napkin that said “We (this
was underlined about 8 times) think you’re very attractive and want to hang out
later. If you’re not interested, we’ll leave you alone but if you are, please
call me when you finish your shift and we’ll meet for a drink and see where the
night takes us. I guarantee you won’t regret it.” I once again politely
declined the invitation to participate in group sex with people I knew nothing
more about than their drink preferences.
One of our regulars was a B list, VERY attractive celebrity
who shall remain nameless (but I will say he was on Dancing with the Stars)
used to come in and occasionally hunt for someone to bring home to his wife. He
seemed to be equally interested in the male and female employees as one day we
concurred that about 8 out of 10 of us (2 bartenders, 2 waitresses, 2 waiters,
a hostess and a busboy) had been propositioned for a threesome by him. Many of
us also concurred that we were slightly tempted being that he was incredibly
hot and could obviously rock the Mambo and were thinking that meant he could
rock the Mattress Mambo, but some of us shared the opinion that we would not be
at all interested in his wife. For me it was because she was a woman, others
didn’t find her quite as attractive as him.
 |
No, the anonymous celebrity wasn't Jake Pavelka,
but he does win the award for the most obnoxious Bachelor ever. |
These are just a few highlights from my time in the service
industry. I have been hit with every corny and offensive line in the book, and been
asked countless times if my boobs were real, if I was into women, if I was into
black guys, if I was single (upon answering yes was then asked what I do for
sexual pleasure) and if I would get up and dance on the bar if they got the DJ
to play “my song.” It was a lot to endure for the amount of money I made, but
in the end it made for some great stories.
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